Single And Over 40: Overcoming Dating Challenges

The age for marriage appears to be going up. There are more people who are single and over 40 today than ever before, and the numbers keep going up. People are delaying marriage for various reasons including career considerations. The ever-increasing divorce rates keep adding to the numbers. Yet, singles over 40 appear to face challenges finding compatible partners.

Even divorce age appears to be rising. It is no longer surprising to hear about couples divorcing after 20 years or more of marriage. Why then, is does it appear to be so hard to find a partner when one is single and over 40?

A very well-written article on The Vancouver Sun talks about this. And though it talks about the “over 30”, I am of the opinion that real challenges of dating begin at the 40 year mark.

Headlines and statistics aside, what hasn't changed for singles hovering near that 40-year mark -- both men and women -- is how complicated and messy dating can be.

"The pressure is much more intense than when you're younger and feel like you've got plenty of time," says clinical psychologist and sex therapist Judy Kuriansky, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to a Healthy Relationship (Alpha). "The clock ticks. Not just for a baby, but for a second and third date, are they really going to commit, can we seal the deal."

Add in the anxieties that Kuriansky says many older singles are grappling with -- "I can never compete with all the girls in their 20s." "There's no one left for me." "All the good ones have been taken." "I'm not as hot as I used to be." -- and you've got some pretty compelling anecdotal evidence to back up what a recent major study of 5,200 singles ages 21 to 65 revealed: A majority of singles ages 55 to 64 identified themselves as "very happy" or "somewhat happy," as did a majority of singles ages 21 to 34.

It was the folks in the middle who reported significantly lower levels of happiness.

Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, a lead researcher on the study (commissioned by Match.com, for which Fisher serves as an adviser), says the kid issue further muddies the waters.

"The biggest gap is between people looking for a reproductive partner and people who are not looking for a reproductive partner," Fisher says. "From a Darwinian perspective, the brain that wants to reproduce is very different than the one that's not going to reproduce."

So men and women who desperately want children, and feel as if time is running out to have them, are mingling with folks who don't want to go there. Or, in some cases, already went there in a previous marriage.

It's complicated. "It's not like trying to find the right job," says Fisher. "This is sending your DNA onto eternity. It's a whole different matter."

But experts say post-30s dating has definite benefits. Benefits which can be maximized with the right mindset. "It's almost like your ability to decipher whether someone is right or wrong for you is microwaved," says Whitney Casey, author of The Man Plan (Penguin-Perigree). "An advantage of having a little age under your belt is a better sense of yourself and what you want. See original article

I totally agree that being over 30 (which includes over 40) has the benefit of mental and emotional maturity.

Where to find potential partners when single and over 40 is usually the biggest challenge. Though at 40 you do not consider yourself a senior, you can join some senior dating sites whose minimum membership age 40. Not only will you find singles who are actively looking, but you can search using various criteria such as age, education, whether they want to have children or not, etc.

Related posts:

1. About Senior Personals and Dating For the Older Single