Online Dating: Meeting For The First Time
Tips To Ace Your First Online Dating Meeting
You have been talking on a dating site for a few weeks. You seem to click (and not just with the mouse). So you decide it’s time to meet for real. Suddenly it occurs to you that though you have been preparing for this day all along, you’re completely unprepared. Don't worry; first dates happen all the time. Your first online dating meeting can be fun.
In fact, you are in a great position, since it isn't completely a blind date. You know the basics of this person from their profile and prior communication, and probably have a few things in common that you can discuss over a meal. It doesn't mean that an online dating first meeting isn't hard, but you already have a lot going for you, so don't stress out too much.
Online Dating Meeting: Where Do You Meet For Your First Date?
Virtually all online dating articles and books out there (with the exception of I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book will tell you to meet for coffee and at a public place. It is advisable to meet at a place where you are surrounded by people as you don’t want to go hiking in the woods with a stranger. But it doesn’t have to be coffee.
Coffee is overrated. It does not help facilitate conversation. I don’t know about you, I find that I’m a better talker when I’m buzzed. You can have a drink or two but take care not to go overboard. This is a decision that should be based on how long the two of you have been communicating prior to this first date. You should also listen to your guts.
You first online dating meeting should be approached with optimism as opposed to suspicion. As I have said in previous posts, prepare to have fun but also be ready to exit fast if things go wrong.
Picking A Place To Meet
The decision on where to meet should, needless to say, be agreed upon by both parties. It is not really hard when the distance between the two of you is not too long. Of course “too long” is relative so I can’t give a number. Simply pick a place that is convenient for both.
Meeting someone from online dating can get tricky, however, when it is a long distance relationship. In that case, decide on who will do the traveling to the other’s city, village or town. Accommodation should be arranged in advance. Do not let someone into your house on the first date.
Never meet your online date at your favorite hangout. Once they know you, and know where you hang out, it will be pretty easy to spy on you and find out where you live. Also, stalking situations can and do happen.
A great way of meeting your online date and having fun is to do something both of you enjoy. This is one of the advantages of Internet dating; it lets you know what the other person likes. Of course not all pastimes render themselves well to dating. If you like reading, for example, you cannot read and talk. But you can discuss books that both of you have read.
Things To Remember With On Your Online Dating Meeting
- Be punctual. This is the first time you are going to be meeting her/him, and you want them to see you in the best light possible. Being a few minutes late is fine, as sometimes new locales can be difficult to navigate, but anything more than that and you better call.
- React well. This may sound like a bit of a strange point, but if you have only seen a person's photo, there is a chance they look slightly different. Whether that is a complete positive, or even if you feel that they weren't entirely honest, you should remain complimentary. You clearly got along enough to get to this point. We assume that you had honest yourself.
- Respect. Just because you have spoken for the last couple weeks via emails and private messages, that doesn't mean you truly know this person yet. Before jumping in with a controversial topic, start with light fare. Sometimes people speak a little different online than when confronted with an online dating first meeting, so adjust accordingly.
- Dress smart but be yourself. If you don’t normally wear suits, don’t wear a suit on your first online date meeting. All the same, if you are, say, a roofer, don’t go to that date wearing those worn out jeans with holes on the knees that you wear from day to day. Look good but be yourself.
- Leave the flowers. Guys, some women find it embarrassing when a guy shows up with flowers on the first date.
Now, depending on what type of service you used, they might have limited how you interacted before the date. A more professional pay site is going to give you a lot more opportunities to interact, so if you are in the dark about your date, now's the time to learn. If that's the case, some of the above mentioned tips might need to be adjusted even further, since you are even less familiar with them.
One mistake many people make is to turn the first meeting into a job interview or, even worse, a cross-examination. Avoid this.
Dating Conversation Tips
One way to avoid cross-examining your date is by asking open-ended questions. Asking open-ended questions gives the other person a way to wiggle out of tough spots and even save face. They also give the other person something to add to the conversation as well as bring her/him out.
“Open-ended questions are those questions that will solicit additional information from the inquirer. Sometimes called infinite response or unsaturated type questions. By definition, they are broad and require more than one or two word responses.” UCLA
Examples of open-ended questions are:
- What do you think of/about…?
- What made you consider…?
- What inspires you?
And while you are at it, show interest in what the other person is saying. Be an active listener.
"Active listening is a way of listening that focuses entirely on what the other person is saying and confirms understanding of both the content of the message and the emotions and feelings underlying the message to ensure that understanding is accurate." UIUCU
Of course there are certain subjects you want to steer clear off unless otherwise related to the type of date you’re on or dating site you met at. Examples are sex and fetishes (unless you met on an adult dating site). Others are past relationships, politics and religion.
The subject of dating conversation is another article altogether, which I will be posting soon. Keep watching this blog.
At the end of the date, personally assess how it went. With an online dating meeting, you are realistically just making the first impression, with the hopes that both of you enjoy each other's company enough to give it a shot a second time. If he/she were everything you were looking for or even exceeded your expectations, make sure to let them know how much of a good time you had. If it is mutual, then you can guarantee the next time will be even better.
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Filed under Online Dating by Dawg
Comments on Online Dating: Meeting For The First Time »
Open ended questions are the best way to keep a conversations going and allowing the person to talk about them selves, so you can get to know them.
I like the idea of asking open-ended questions. I am very inquisitive by nature and I have scared off quite a few men by asking too many personal or inappropriate questions, I think I am too honest and open sometimes which there is nothing wrong with, it just is not really first date appropriate.
Avoid the theatre or cinema for a first date because the silence can seem very awkward. One ide I came across was wine tasting events. These are great because they give you something to do and encourage conversation without the felling of being interviewed or interogated.