Dating As a Single Parent – Some Common and Not-So-Common Landmines
Dating as a single parent is fraught with challenges. Life for the single mom or dad is not easy, even with social life kept at minimum. Indeed, dating can be a complex issue when children are in the mix. But it can still be done.
One challenge for single parent dating is when both have children. It may appear like it is easier since both have the “feel” for what the other may be experiencing. It is not that simple.
For starters, time is always an issue. What with work schedules, school (sometimes for both the kids and the parent), homework, school functions and activities, custodial issues, and “quality time” for the kids. Fortunately, this is where most single parents are truly understanding about the other’s plight, as it is a challenge virtually everyone who has children has to contend with. When this becomes a real issue, the two need to sit down and just talk it out. What if they problem cannot be resolved?
Well, there is a bottom line to any conflict for a parent, single or not. You are a parent first; everything else comes second.
Unfortunately, if all else fails this could mean ending a relationship. I know, it is a bitter pill to swallow especially when you believe you have met “the one”. That’s why you should be sure that you have exhausted all possibilities including third party help (such as a relationships counselor).
Another challenge is that of merging families. Whether marriage is in the horizon or not, the kids will sooner or later have to meet, especially if the relationship is a serious one.
There is a problem here that used to be mainly First World but which is now virtually global. I’ll call it the “your, my and our” problem. “Your” means your partners children. “My” means your own children and “our” children the couple may have together. This is a complex issue that cannot be tackled in one article so I would suggest reading a book such as Yours, Mine and Hours: Relationship Skills for Blended Families available at Amazon. And, no, I’ve not read the book.
Now the next complication, the children. They may like each other. Or they may not. Depending on their ages, they may like each other a little too much: this is frightening when teenagers are involved and a boy and girl take a liking to each other (or even be of same-sex for that matter). Sorry, I don’t mean to scare you but as they say, s*#t happens.
Now, I won’t pretend to be the expert here, but again being the parent counts. Getting to the bottom of the problem as soon as you can even if you just suspect this would be the best thing to do. Ignoring it would be the worse. Let the involved children know how you feel about this. And let then know that you are family, even though a wedding ring may not be in the mix. Seek expert guidance if needed.
One or more of the children may not like who the parent is dating. Again, older children are the bigger challenge here, though little children can and do have their own minds too. What can you do in such a case?
Never dismiss the feelings of a child outright. Yes, they can be prejudiced against the parent’s new find, sometimes due to jealousy or some other reason. But there have been instances where, say, a girl has had misgivings about the guy mommy is dating and the girl has been right (sometimes with grave results). An open mind is better than a closed one either way.
Consider also that there are times when you will have to leave your children home and go out with your date. This can be a most frightening experience especially for children who have lost a parent through divorce or, God forbid, death. Try to be as reassuring as possible and avoid a power-struggle. And please, do tell the truth.
Finding a date is among the top concerns for single parent. So much so that there actually are dating sites that specialize in this area. You can check them out at single parent dating sites now.
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