Internet Dating Safety: How to Stay Safe and Still Have Fun

Contrary to popular advice, you do not have approach online dating with a big dose of angst. Indeed, there is a difference between educated caution and needless paranoia. Internet dating safety “rules” are flawed in that they push for a grey-eyed approach.

There is no reason why internet dating should not be fun. So why is internet dating approached in high suspicion and mistrust? Well, one of the reasons is that you are dealing with a stranger.

You see, in most forms of traditional dating, introductions are usually made by a friend or relative. Or a relationship starts at the workplace, where the two parties are usually in first-name terms and fairly know each other. Internet dating is about meeting someone who is a near stranger.

But this should be viewed as a welcome twist, not an impediment. The anticipation of meeting someone new should be viewed in positive light, even a dose of fantasy.

This does not mean that you should throw caution to the wind. On the contrary, a certain amount of caution is justified. Advance planning allows you to enjoy the date all the more, since you won't have to be constantly thinking about safety.

This means getting to know the person before the actual meeting. Obviously, you will not reveal your personal information at the very beginning. Your real name, work place and address should be kept secret until you have met the right person.

Take an intermediate step between email and meeting in person by talking on the phone for a while. That puts a voice to the photo and words you've already seen and read. The first few phone calls should be made from a disposable cell phone, a blocked number or by means of an untraceable calling card.

That raises the level of confidence, since it gives you much richer information about the real person. Anyone reluctant to talk on the phone before meeting is more likely to be a scam artist.

Once you make the decision to meet in person, select a place that is public and in a good part of town. Pick someplace not too noisy or crowded, so you can get the clearest view and hear their voice well. It's possible to be fooled by a clever actor, but if you stay alert it's hard for someone to keep up the act for long.

It’s advisable to arrange for your own transportation to and from the date, as even the best-planned dates can go wrong.

While advice going around says that you should meet for coffee, this need not be. You see, there is nothing worse than meeting in a coffee shop and then staring at each other across the table, neither one knowing what to say.

It is better to integrate into the meeting an activity which both of you enjoy. Go roller-skating, bowling or something. This will help in “breaking the ice” as well.

Having a friend who knows where you are and how long you expect to be there is not a bad idea. But don’t let needless phone calls interrupt your date. One or two calls at a pre-arranged range of time (not an exact time to avoid needless panic) are okay.

Keep alcohol consumption to a minimum: Enough to enjoy but also make sound judgment of the situation. And keep an eye on your glass and food, as you don’t want someone to slip a drug in. You don't want to be suspicious, just aware. If you begin to get bad vibes, better to just leave early.

Here again it's important to remind yourself that it's a date, not an interrogation. You don't want to ruin your enjoyment, or your chances, by being unduly suspect. Most people really are there to get to know you, not to harm you. At the same time, you don't know them well. Friendly but alert represents the best balance.