By: Shannon (guest writer)

Teenage dating violence and abuse is more common than most people would care to admit, with most presentations of teenage relationships being somewhat idealized and/or sanitized. If you are the parent of a teenager, or a teenager yourself, you should be aware of some warning signs of an abusive relationship. You can keep yourself, or your children, safe by being attentive to warning signs that may precede more explicit and violent abuse.

The first main warnings are aggressiveness and possessiveness. Forwardness and determination can initially be attractive traits, but can easily become an overbearing (or even bullying) attitude. Forced physical closeness, even the absence of other outwardly sexual behavior, is a major red flag that the person is potentially willing to force themselves on others.

This overbearing aggressiveness can quickly progress to unwanted sexual advances and more. It is often partnered with an extreme possessiveness: For example, a boyfriend who violently challenges anyone who they even vaguely perceive as “checking out [his] girl”.

Very often, those with these paired traits will progress into increasingly violent abuse. It may start with the grabbing of the arm, or the close and intimidating violation of personal space during an argument. This type of behavior is a severe warning sign of probable teenage dating violence, as statistically such a person is very likely to continue this pattern into more severe behavior, such as rape and outright beatings.

Other common warning signs are an unusually short temper and unsolicited defensive statements about never hurting a partner. These are indications that a young person may be prone to “fly off the handle” and commit violence.

A demeaning attitude is another important behavior to notice. No one should belittle or put down the person they love, especially on a regular basis. It is a form of emotional abuse and often coincides with teenage dating violence. A strong need for control, such as demanding to know every detail of a daily routine, is a disturbing marker. Those people with a need for such overwhelming control will often resort to violence, and any other means necessary, to maintain their sense of command and control.

If you are a parent and notice some of these warning signs, you should tactfully and carefully raise the issue with your child. No teenager likes to feel as though their parents are interfering in their lives and aggressively pushing the issue will likely only push your child to defiantly pursue the relationship. It may be helpful if you can speak with one of your teenager’s friends and express your concerns to him or her. A teen is more likely to respond positively to peers than to parents in such a situation.

If you are a teen and notice some red flags indicating the potential for teenage dating violence, talk to someone immediately. Your friends, parents and even your school counselor are all there to support you and help you get out of a dangerous relationship. If your partner threatens you, your family or your friends in any way, it is important to contact the authorities to protect yourself and your loved one from harm.

TAGS: teenage dating, teenage dating violence

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